I haven’t blogged in so long…and SO much has been happening during the summer & throughout this fall semester! This Campus Ministry missionary experience has been interesting to say the least. And as it’s starting to come to a close (this spring is my final semester), I’m beginning to struggle with feelings of sadness, feeling like I’m finally getting close to my fellow missionaries (here & all over), and life in Missouri is becoming a part of me. It’s definitely becoming a struggle as the reality of how little time left is hitting me.. I just hope that I can make a difference to someone before I have to go.
There’s so much that God has been doing in me personally, and showing me every single day. Some days have been amazing, some days I finally feel like I’m connecting with the community and students. Some days my insecurities consume me beyond belief and I feel like a complete failure. And some days I want nothing more than to go back to my old life with familiar places & people. Back to where things felt safe, and where I didn’t have to face myself truthfully or be faced with the realities that people see God and connect with Him in different ways than I do. But at the end of the day, I thank God for this experience and everything it’s taught me and is continuing to teach me. I thank God for using these semesters in Campus Ministry to stretch me beyond what I even thought was possible for me. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through this, but I did and I am 🙂 I’m excited to see all the wonderful things God is going to do in these last 8 months of my missionary service…
I guess what I want everyone to take away from this is to just be open to what God wants to do in your life. When I first signed up for this Generation Transformation missionary program, I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I had no clue what to expect, I went into this with my eyes and heart open, expecting amazing things. But what I got was way above & beyond what I ever could have thought up myself. It was hard. I’ve cried a lot, wanted to leave, didn’t understand why I was even here, dealt with confusion, struggling with insecurities, being away from home, being forced to embrace this new life and the new people around me. But it’s also been eye-opening. I’ve seen things in myself that I really don’t think I would’ve ever seen had I stayed home. I’ve seen strength in myself, I’ve seen character flaws that I’ve ignored or was ignorant of, I’ve seen fears slowly dissolving, I’ve seen my eyes open to differing perspectives and I’ve gained understanding and more of a heart on things that I would have shut down on before. And I’ve seen God in ways I never have before. I’ve experienced Him in a more real way than I ever have before. I still struggle of course. Some days are frustrating still. Some days I struggle with my faith and understanding God for who He really is. My theology may be a little off at times lol, but I wouldn’t trade my journey in life for anything. I’m blessed, and my life is blessed, in spite of the depressing, soul-crushing lows, the painful or enlightening revelations, or the exhilarating highs.
I’m looking forward to the future with open eyes & an open heart once again:-)